March 2nd, 2008

taken aback

15th May, 1998 (Dictated to Quick-Quotes-Quill)

I've never been so obsessed with neatness. I just start to get used to a path and Rudolph leaves some mess or another in the of room. I don't even know what it is until I'm flat on my face. I'm still not used to the cane, sweeping in time wit my steps is surprisingly difficult, and when I continctrate too hard I loose it.

It's frustrating, trying to overcome everything I've lost. You never realize how much you'll miss a sense, nor how often you use it until you loose it. Father speaks to me, and I've only now begun to realize how little of speech is verbal. I am getting better at sense when others are around me, and where they are in reaction to myself, which has put me at ease.

I worry though, what will happen if I get separated from Father, or Rudolph. I haven't got near the skill enough to find my way on my own yet, especially in unfamiliar territory.

I don't think we're going back to England for some time; nor Ireland. I'm nervous, truth be told, but it's not safe right now. It is so strange, all this time with Father after is absence. I feel much closer to him, though it is still new to me, to have him around. I try not to take out my frustration at him. It's Ewling who suffers the brunt of it, poor thing.